Please, let me fuck your mom
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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