And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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