I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize