I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
