I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
