you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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