Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
