I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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