I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
