I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
