The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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