We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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