i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
