Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
