I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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