you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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