he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
