If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
