I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
