Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
