i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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