Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
