He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
