Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
