she was so not down for the gang bang
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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