I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
