I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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