Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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