he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
