youre lurking in front of me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need moral support for this bender
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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