for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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