I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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