i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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