Can i not drive my cunt home
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
