Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
