Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
