do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
