either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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