Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
