Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
