Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
