Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
