Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
