and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
