I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wish there were birth control emojis
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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