the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
