Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
