just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
