Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
