your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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