somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
