Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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