**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
