i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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