i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
