The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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