I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
