i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
