I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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