i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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