this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
