so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
