Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
