I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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