i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
