Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
two words: eviction party
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Still dying that you shit outside
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
