omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
