wat bout pragnant strippers??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
