I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
