It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
