I can tuck mytits in my pants
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
