So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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