ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
