btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im holly from the hills drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
