i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
