Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
