When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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