what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
