we have officially lost it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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