I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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